Tis' The Season

As the Holiday season is fast approaching, it's just another reminder; that my family isn't whole. Part of my family is not with me right now. Instead, she's looking over us and trying to remind us that she is here with us in this hard time. Part of me wonders why can't she just be here? Another part of me realizes, that God needed another angel.

It's hard to know that this Thanksgiving she won't be in her kitchen, with her red sparkly shirt, singing some odd song to all of us, and telling us all what to do. It's hard for me to grasp on to the concept that she won't be there Christmas Eve, talking to me about life, giggling in church at everyone. Or Christmas morning watching us open our gifts, cooking biscuits and gravy, and then going to her house for dinner. I won't be able to spend all of my Christmas break with her, laughing at all of her jokes and learning some more rules on life. I feel like a big part of my life has been taken away from me, a part that I will never get back. And granted I am supported and loved by my family.

But my whole family isn't there. A big chunk of my life, is absent. Sometimes I don't understand why this had to happen to us? The ONE person I can turn to about anything, is gone. She is still there. I can still talk to her, but people don't get that it's not the same. I can no longer call her, and ask her how she is doing. I can't hear her voice, or feel the warmth she gave off when she hugged me. I want her back, and it's hard realizing I can't have her back.

Mema, if you can read this. Just know that I love you. And miss you through everything.

Me.