Christmas

When you Goo.gle the definition of Christmas, you find many selections. Varying from Christmas Cards, "A Charlie Brown Christmas," and the most famous one: Santa Claus. It's strange to me, how this big ol' cuddly looking man with a cherry nose, big belly, white beard, and brings us presents if we are good has become so famous. Not many people look at what the definition of Christmas REALLY is.


Christmas is about something so much bigger. It's about SOMEONE so much bigger. At the time, he was a little baby in a manger. Looking up to his young mother. Surrounded by cows, sheep, donkeys, and goats. In today's world, or even back then this wouldn't seem like much. But this one specific little boy, gave us all the true meaning of Christmas. He gave us the freedom and life we have today. 


This little baby, was our Savior.


He saved us from our sins, saved us from a world that could be way worse than it is. He grew up a perfect man, and died. For you, me, your neighbor, your son, daughter, brother, sister. Everyone. Our Father in Heaven sent this innocent baby down, to save us. Christmas isn't about the presents, the candy, the food, or Santa. It's about Jesus. About one baby, that brought us where we are at today.


Thank you God. Thank you for sending Jesus to save us.

"For God So Loved The World, That He Gave His Only Son. That Who Ever Believes In Him Shall Not Perish, But Have Ever Lasting Life." John 3:16.

Tis' The Season

As the Holiday season is fast approaching, it's just another reminder; that my family isn't whole. Part of my family is not with me right now. Instead, she's looking over us and trying to remind us that she is here with us in this hard time. Part of me wonders why can't she just be here? Another part of me realizes, that God needed another angel.

It's hard to know that this Thanksgiving she won't be in her kitchen, with her red sparkly shirt, singing some odd song to all of us, and telling us all what to do. It's hard for me to grasp on to the concept that she won't be there Christmas Eve, talking to me about life, giggling in church at everyone. Or Christmas morning watching us open our gifts, cooking biscuits and gravy, and then going to her house for dinner. I won't be able to spend all of my Christmas break with her, laughing at all of her jokes and learning some more rules on life. I feel like a big part of my life has been taken away from me, a part that I will never get back. And granted I am supported and loved by my family.

But my whole family isn't there. A big chunk of my life, is absent. Sometimes I don't understand why this had to happen to us? The ONE person I can turn to about anything, is gone. She is still there. I can still talk to her, but people don't get that it's not the same. I can no longer call her, and ask her how she is doing. I can't hear her voice, or feel the warmth she gave off when she hugged me. I want her back, and it's hard realizing I can't have her back.

Mema, if you can read this. Just know that I love you. And miss you through everything.

Me.

"Because I knew you, I have been changed for the better."

As you know today, I attempted to speak to everyone and read this letter. For those of you that weren't there, or could not hear. This is what I had said;

Dear Mema,

        It's never going to be easy, but it will get better. You have left an unforgettable handprint on each and everyone one of us. You are my best friend, my grandma, and my guardian angel. Mema, you have taught me everything I know today about life. And although I can't touch you, look at you, or even talk to you physically. I know you will touch me, look at me, and talk to me spiritually. There will not be a day that goes by that I don't think about you, or remember something you said or did. You were the orneriest person I know, you would always get the first and last word in whether we liked it or not. You made sure we knew what you were thinking, good or bad. We will always remember the way you used to make us laugh. Your memories are unforgettable, and even though we have to make new ones without you, we will know you are right by our side watching our every step. You are in a much better place now, one where you can eat all the Gardetto’s and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups that you want. You won’t have to be sick anymore or suffer. I know that you will sing the word of God, and be right by his side learning what he has to teach. We are all closer to you now then we have ever been. Even if it doesn't seem like it. I will cry, laugh, be angry, and rejoice at the thought of you being gone because of what you have left me with. Just like you have always told us “No matter what happens, I will always love you.” We did not expect to have you leave us so soon. It will bring us comfort to know where you are, but it also hurts to know you can’t be with us. You were the rock that held us together. You made sure we were together, even at the worst of times. Thank you for everything you have done for me, and taught me. I love you.

Love,

Your Grandbaby, Kelsey.

Wicked, "For Good."

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the thing I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

And because I knew you...

Because I knew you...

Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good. 

"I'll be your candle on the water..."

Always with a smile, and a hug when you walked in the house. The warmth that she gave off when you were with her, and talked to her. No matter the day, she was always there with a smart alack remark and the joke of the day. She always knew what to say, and do. Loved the outdoors, to sing, and to be goofy. No matter where she was.


 Her family meant more to her then life itself. She would stand up for you even if she knew you were wrong. That didn't matter to her. Just as long as you felt safe and secure and knew you were being protected. She would drop anything she was in the middle of doing, just to come and give you a hug when you needed it. She'd drive cross country for you if you were stranded somewhere. All she cared about was that we were safe. She found the love of her life at a young age, and they stayed by each other's side until they had to be apart. She will be loved and missed greatly. 


Life won't be the same any more, but we will all have the memories. She will never leave our hearts, our mind, or our spirit. She was the glue that kept us all together. We might not know how to deal without her, but she will be there comforting us. 


Mema, this isn't goodbye. It is just see you later. And that's what I am looking forward to. Being able to run and give you a big hug, and telling you I love you. You mean SO much to me. You have always been there for me, and I don't know what I would have turned out like if we weren't so close. Thank you Mema, for everything. 


I love you. (:

Even when times are hard...

Life throws curveballs to everyone. It kicks us down in the dust, spits on us, and then laughs in our face. We feel like we can’t pick ourselves up, like it might be better if we just lay there and take it. Everyone has felt this, or will feel this. You feel ashamed, hurt, and angry. You don’t understand how anyone can let this happen to you. How it’s possible for you to be allowed to feel like this. It doesn’t make sense at all. It won’t, until you realize; He isn’t allowing this, He is there for you, helping you through, holding your hand every step of the way, even when times are hard.

As hard as this is to write and to say, I need to say it. Not just for you to read, but for me to heal. I am hurt. At first I was very mad at God, I didn’t understand why he was doing this to any of us, to me, to her. Then I stopped and thought to myself: “We are not here to stay forever; this is just a journey for us, to test our Faith and Love in God.” It will always be hard to let go, and I’m not letting go yet. I am holding on with both of my hands. I still have her here with me. We all still have her here with us.

This last week has been a curveball, my Faith and Love in God has been tested to extreme measures. My Mema was recently diagnosed with Cancer, in the pancreas, lungs, and liver. Cancer was just a word that I heard, and I have seen the effect of it on people I know. But I never thought this would happen to her. She has lived a good life, full of mistakes we all make, but full of MANY good things. My family was hurt by the news, yet it brought us all closer together. She is a strong woman, and if she has any say of it, she’ll be fine.

Mema and I have always been very close. The effect this has had on me has not been a good one. I pray daily to God to heal her. I want her better; I can’t imagine my life without her. She is all I have known. She has taught each one of us special things on life. She is still my silly grandma I have always known. She will always be a part of us. As for now, I am going to hold on, and keep my hopes somewhat up that she WILL make it through this. Thank you Mema for all that you have given me, thanks for holding on. I love you so, so much. :) 

"I love you to that imaginary star...."

Inspiration and imagination go hand in hand. And this saying inspires me. Not just because someone that I care about said it. But because it inspired me to imagine. Not just about how far away that star might be, but how much love it means. 

Imagination and inspiration are more then just a thought. It's like a kid whose inspired that when he wants to be older he wants to be a knight in shining armor kicking dragons but,instead of sitting there thinking of it, he acts on it. And that inspires him to go outside, in the back yard, with a stick, a pan on his head, an old metal garbage lid, and an old cardboard box on his body. As he is out there, he is imagining that the back yard is the forbidden land with the fire breathing dragon that he has to slay to save the princess. The stick is his sword that wont let him down. His pan is his helmet. The old metal garbage can lid is his shields. And the old cardboard box on his body acts as his armor, that shines when the sun hits it. In this little world that this young boy has created, he is invincible. Nothing can touch him as long as he has his imagination on his side.

Dragon: Conquered

Eden Gudetu Lemanski: Loved

Inspiration and imagination is just like two young people, inspired to do good in the world. They imagine helping a little girl in need, and then instead of sitting there thinking about it. They act on their inspiration and imagination. They get the papers, research, pray, and wait. While all of this is going on, their hearts are worried by the thought of when they will see this miracle. Why they are doing this. But they keep going, because from the beginning they imagined what it would be like to have her in their arms. And after all of this time, their inspiration and imagination conquer. They'll get to bring her home, take her outside to look at the stars. And tell her "I love you to that imaginary star..." That imaginary star goes beyond their life and hers. This will inspire her to remember one thing; she will forever be loved.

Dear Pa.

Dear Pa,

You are a very special person, who made a very special impact on every one's life that you touched. You are always lively when I see you. You always have a big smile on your face. You are my Grandpa. You make me smile every time I see you. And your laugh makes my laugh so much livelier.

But just like all people, you have moved on somewhere that we will all move to. Heaven. You are now with Grandma Karen, your family, and everybody else that you are so excited to see. You can do cartwheels, and listen to God talk about life. I will one day be there with you, along with everyone else. I know that you are having the time of your life up there, and everyone that you talk to will enjoy all of your stories, and your singing.

You are an amazing man Pa. And yes, it is hard to let you go, but it makes it easier just to know you are in a much better place. Earth was just your "Temporary Home." Thank you for everything Pa. :)

Little boy, 6 years old
A little too used to bein' alone.
Another new mom and dad,another school,
Another house that'll never be home.
When people ask him how he likes this place...
He looks up and says, with a smile upon his face,

"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong.
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through.
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going.
I'm not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary Home."

Young mom on her own.
She needs a little help, got nowhere to go.
She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out,
Because a half-way house will never be a home.
At night she whispers to her baby girl,
"Someday we'll find our place here in this world."

"This is our temporary home.
It's not where we belong.
Windows and rooms that we're passin' through.
This is just a stop, on the way to where we're going.
I'm not afraid because I know this is our
Temporary Home."
Old man, hospital bed,
The room is filled with people he loves.
And he whispers don't cry for me,
I'll see you all someday.
He looks up and says, "I can see God's face."

"This is my temporary Home
It's not where I belong.
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through.
This was just a stop,on the way to where I'm going.
I'm not afraid because I know... this was
My temporary home."
This is our temporary home.

 

Always smiling. :)

You ARE More

Have you ever noticed how one thing that someone says can totally make you change your perspective on how you look at yourself? It might even be the smallest thing, like somebody telling you that you don't know what you are talking about. It happens to everyone. Me, You, the President, anyone.

To God, You Are More. He doesn't care if you don't know how to do a math problem. He doesn't care if you need braces, or if you wear second hand clothing. All God cares about is YOU. He cares about the person he very carefully created. We all have doubts, we all have issues. No matter what someone says about you, just know that God thinks so much better of you, he sent his only son to die for us and recreate us.

Just like in Tenth Avenue North's song; You Are More

There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that
you've made, You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You've been remade
You've been remade.
You've been remade.
You've been remade.

Motivational...Book?!

Motivation: The activation or energization of goal-oriented behavior. Motivation is said to be intrinsic or extrinsic. The term is generally used for humans but, theoretically, it can also be used to describe the causes for animal behavior as well.

Everyone needs motivation in their life, whether it be from friends, family, motivational speakers, etc. Today at CHS, we had an assembly. Usually our assemblies are about Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n Roll. Every high schooler needs to know about this right?... Well in a sense yes, but when EVERY assembly is about these topics, it's a bit much. Now, today was an assembly that I will remember for the rest of my life. It was about other high schooler's whose life has been impacted by one decision that they made. It wasn't the regular old fogey that sat there and dragged on and on about what happened. Today it was on video, and even though the people weren't there to tell us and we didn't get to physically see the impact that their situations really had on their life or get to met them and talk to them about what happened, we still saw the impact on what happened to them.

Everyone has their very own way of getting motivated. Like right before a big game and they are jumping and warming up their blood, or getting a pep talk from the coach. My motivation isn't physical,it's not someone there telling me what I can and can't do. It's more powerful than that. My motivation is a book. Not just any book though, a very powerful book. It gives me everything I need, to be physically and mentally prepared for whatever task or obstacle that is ahead of me. My motivation, is the Holy Bible. It gives you all the advice, and rules you need. But more important than that, it gives you Faith. Not only in yourself, but also in your teammates, co-workers, family, friends, and God. The Bible helps you earn this faith by learning the word of God. And the word of God is all I need to be motivated.

Faith!

It's been a while since I have gotten on here and actually posted something about my life. A lot has happened.

I am not afraid to admit it, there for a while I wasn't as close to God as I should be. I sort of put up a wall, I kept getting hurt and couldn't understand what was going on. I felt like God was putting to much on my plate that I couldn't handle, but in the end, I realized the only way for me to get through it was to find my faith in God. I'm what you call the 'Church Girl,' I'm at some form of church or youth at least four times a week. From my Confirmation Class, to Young Life. It keeps me pretty busy. I love it though, I wouldn't change it for the world. It brought me closer to God, and I realized the reason he gives us so much to handle was because it's a test of faith. Life on earth is all a test of how much faith we have in Our Heavenly Father.



I'm Blessed with a great family.



We are all to busy to stop and smell the roses. We don't realize what God has done for us, we look at what he hasn't. And the truth is, that he has blessed us more than we can imagine.So what if he hasn't given us the nice car, or the money, or the things we want. But what about Family? Or Friends? Or a free country? This is all a blessing from God. God blesses us in ways you wouldn't believe. I am thankful for what he has given me, even when I don't show it.

:)







He Isn't a Quck Fix

Quick Fix? That's the term some people use to describe Jesus. That's the term people are using to describe our Savior. I heard this at Youth last night, and as Jim was talking to us and telling us about this phrase, it most definitely hit me.

Jesus wasn't a "Quick Fix." He isn't just some random guy we go to for advice in our life or for a miracle or two. He was a man so full of knowledge, and glory, that all people could do was praise him and thank him.  He cured men who were blind, cured those who were dead, and gave people strength to do work. These weren't just "Quick Fixes" that lasted a couple of hours, they lasted for the rest of their lives. 

I choose to live my life through Jesus Christ. He isn't my quick fix, he is the Son of God, and made it possible for me to die and go to Heaven.

The Start

Today, I have decided to make a blog. I'm not sure how updated it will be, but I will try to keep it as updated as I can.

I am a sophomore. I am 16. I like to learn, except for what someone is teaching me is wrong. I have very strong religious views about life. I know what I want from life.

I have made several starts in my life, and this is just another. Except for this start, wont finish for a very long time. I have done a lot of adventrous things in my life. This is just another. I want this blog to not only be about me, but the people that are around me and the impact they have on me. I will share my several crazy ideas and opinions, take it or leave it. You don't have to read this.

Let's start with my family. I have a mom, and a dad. My parents mean a great deal to me, I wouldn't be where I am today without them.  am the oldest of four kids, there are 2 girls, and 2 boys. All of us are very much different, and that is also why we are so close. Obviously there is some sibling rivalry, but what family doesn't have that.

James is the oldest boy, he is 13, James is the more athletic and outdoorsy out of all of us.

Sam is the youngest boy, and he is 9, Sam is definitly the wild child, and the best artist.

And then there's little miss Abbi who is 8. She is the baby of the family, definitly the one who is the more motherly and has the most sass.

This picture is all of our mixed personalities working together.

Life is just a series of starts, this is just another. This will be an adventure for me and for you.