Happy Holidays

The most wonderful time of the year, the time of year when everyone comes together and talks about their own year. But to some, this is a time of year that you are reminded about the important lives that are not around. The lives that have touched you in so many ways, yet you no longer get to feel their presence. All good things must come to an end, yet, these people should not have.

Every year the second October hits, waves of emotions flood my mind; anger, sadness, happiness, and guilt. I am reminded of the people that I do not get to share these next precious few months with. I am faced with the ending of another year, and start of one, without them. I feel guilty because while they are in a better place, I feel like I am enjoying so many things without them. I get to see their families grow, create new goals, and accomplish new things.

So many things can be said, but as we are all taught, we must push through and put on that happy face. That isn't always as easy as it seems. When I think about Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years--one name is constantly in my mind: Mema. These were the months that I always spent the most time with her. The months that my Mema was able to be the wife, mother, and grandmother she was born to be. The treats, the laughs, and the warm hugs that were always there. She loved the holidays (even when she complained). Our family was always united in her presence, and now we must do this without her here.

She isn't the only one that comes to mind. Many people are experiencing the same feeling. The emptiness and the odd quietness of their own homes. Homes that were once filled with their spirits and laughter. Holidays don't quite have the same ring to them as you get older and are able to realize these things. Holidays are more of a reminder, a reminder of the people you are missing out on.

The thing that keeps going is the thought of them. They would not want this. So, while we have our moments of sadness. We must also have our moments of happiness. The happiness of the moments we once shared with them. The thought of their laughter and excitement, and most importantly--their love. Because their love was the most important thing.

Keep your chin up darling, everything will be alright.

Ray of Sunshine

When I sit down and reflect on my life, I have a tendency to think of all the people that taught me to smile. Not just a smile that a person might wear to cover something up...but an actual, genuine smile. And in the process of this, you came to mind.

I remember sitting with you up at Nana and Papa's. I had tagged along with Mema for one of your card nights. Sassy was in the living room, Papa Murphy's in the oven--filling the house with its delicious smells--you were sitting on my right hand side, and Harry on my left. Mema was making faces at us from across the table. All I remember hearing was laughter; SO. MUCH. LAUGHTER. It is a memory that sets well in my head.

You have always been one of the happiest people I know. And looking at it now, I realize that you too have influenced me to be a happy person. Although our time spent together was near and far between,  it was always so important to me. YOU were always so important to me.

The road to loss is never an easy one. Especially when it is a person so full of light as yourself. There will not be a day that goes by when you are not on someone's mind. There will not be a day when someone thinks of your laughter and smile. The amount of love you have spread on this earth will always be remembered. The stories you told, and the gospel you preached so well. You knew where you were going, and I am so happy you get to be there.

Although it is hard for us to accept you are gone. Just remember Aunt Bonnie, you are loved.

Everlasting Weekend

Dear Weekend,

Please don't go away. 
Stay. 
Forever. 

Thanks. 


Isn't that we are all saying when Sunday night rolls around? I mean, when you think about your greatest moments, they all occur during the weekend. A time when you are so free, you feel like you can fly. There are no fears for what's to come. At least, that's how it is for me. Then again, I am a college student.

The weekend for me always extends into the week though. I try not to let that freedom go. I take care of my responsibilities and then I am back at! But I have always been told I am quite the free-spirit.

That's how I want to live though. Free. I don't ever want anything to hold me back. I want my life to be lived to the max. I want the feeling of random outings. Friends calling me last minute with plans. I want to see everything there is to see. I want to feel everything there is to feel. I mean, what is there to really fear? Nothing.

If I am living a life of fear, then I am simply not living. I don't want to always be regretting the choices that I make. I will make some choices that maybe I shouldn't. But hey! I have to live with it.

I feel like if we all lived our lives like an everlasting weekend, we would all be so much happier. There are always going to be responsibilities, but why can't we be positive about it? We are all so damn blessed it's ridiculous. If we all felt as happy and fearless as we did on the weekends then, shit. Life would be bliss.

It's so strange, because so many people are negative about the things they shouldn't be. And what's the point? Just live life. Be happy. Be free. Be the weekend.

Acceptance

I may not be the same size I was a year ago, or even last week. I may not have the same thoughts, opinions, and mindset either. I may not even be the person I once was. But who is to say I am not myself?

I remember that image, whether it be body or personality, was never a thought that crossed my mind. That was until I walked into a place where I was surrounded by "girls" who were constantly concerned with what they looked like.

So why is it, that society tries to tell me different? Why is there this burning desire for everyone to be the perfect person. What is the perfect person? Does that exist? Probably not. But humans feel, naturally, they need to out do the next. Women are constantly pushing themselves; they diet, workout to unnatural extents, turn their bodies into what they think is "beautiful."

Why does the perfect person have to have a perfect body? Why can't it be someone who is motivated to be the best they can be, or have a wonderful personality? I will tell you why. Society tells us in order to be beautiful, your body needs to fit the part. This, this is wrong.

It isn't so much a bad thing that people want to live healthy lifestyles, but where is the line drawn? There is a difference between being healthy and obsessing over it. We weren't created to have flat stomachs, toned arms, a nice ass. We were created to live. To survive. Image is just something we do to occupy our time because we are so unhappy. We look at the person we want  to be. Not the person we already are. And that, is just sad.

I was raised in a family that taught me I am who I am. If people cannot accept that then, well, fuck them. I have always been confident in myself. I have never cared how people think or what they look at me as. I am myself. That will never change.

I have learned that even though I may be surrounded by all of these people that are so consumed with their thoughts of needing to be the best, I am the best. In my own eyes, I am the best. I work hard everyday, I give my all (well for the most part) to the things I need to, and I feel like my body was and is the way it was created to be.

I accept myself.

So, I challenge you. To wake up everyday with a new mindset. Ignore what society tells you to think. YOU are already the best. You are a person full of opportunity, challenges, and perfection. You are already the perfect person.