"I'll be your candle on the water..."

Always with a smile, and a hug when you walked in the house. The warmth that she gave off when you were with her, and talked to her. No matter the day, she was always there with a smart alack remark and the joke of the day. She always knew what to say, and do. Loved the outdoors, to sing, and to be goofy. No matter where she was.


 Her family meant more to her then life itself. She would stand up for you even if she knew you were wrong. That didn't matter to her. Just as long as you felt safe and secure and knew you were being protected. She would drop anything she was in the middle of doing, just to come and give you a hug when you needed it. She'd drive cross country for you if you were stranded somewhere. All she cared about was that we were safe. She found the love of her life at a young age, and they stayed by each other's side until they had to be apart. She will be loved and missed greatly. 


Life won't be the same any more, but we will all have the memories. She will never leave our hearts, our mind, or our spirit. She was the glue that kept us all together. We might not know how to deal without her, but she will be there comforting us. 


Mema, this isn't goodbye. It is just see you later. And that's what I am looking forward to. Being able to run and give you a big hug, and telling you I love you. You mean SO much to me. You have always been there for me, and I don't know what I would have turned out like if we weren't so close. Thank you Mema, for everything. 


I love you. (:

Even when times are hard...

Life throws curveballs to everyone. It kicks us down in the dust, spits on us, and then laughs in our face. We feel like we can’t pick ourselves up, like it might be better if we just lay there and take it. Everyone has felt this, or will feel this. You feel ashamed, hurt, and angry. You don’t understand how anyone can let this happen to you. How it’s possible for you to be allowed to feel like this. It doesn’t make sense at all. It won’t, until you realize; He isn’t allowing this, He is there for you, helping you through, holding your hand every step of the way, even when times are hard.

As hard as this is to write and to say, I need to say it. Not just for you to read, but for me to heal. I am hurt. At first I was very mad at God, I didn’t understand why he was doing this to any of us, to me, to her. Then I stopped and thought to myself: “We are not here to stay forever; this is just a journey for us, to test our Faith and Love in God.” It will always be hard to let go, and I’m not letting go yet. I am holding on with both of my hands. I still have her here with me. We all still have her here with us.

This last week has been a curveball, my Faith and Love in God has been tested to extreme measures. My Mema was recently diagnosed with Cancer, in the pancreas, lungs, and liver. Cancer was just a word that I heard, and I have seen the effect of it on people I know. But I never thought this would happen to her. She has lived a good life, full of mistakes we all make, but full of MANY good things. My family was hurt by the news, yet it brought us all closer together. She is a strong woman, and if she has any say of it, she’ll be fine.

Mema and I have always been very close. The effect this has had on me has not been a good one. I pray daily to God to heal her. I want her better; I can’t imagine my life without her. She is all I have known. She has taught each one of us special things on life. She is still my silly grandma I have always known. She will always be a part of us. As for now, I am going to hold on, and keep my hopes somewhat up that she WILL make it through this. Thank you Mema for all that you have given me, thanks for holding on. I love you so, so much. :)